Tuesday, July 25, 2006

I declare war!!




From the Diary of an Almost 4-Year Old
By Hanan Mikhael Ashrawi

Tomorrow the bandages will come off,
I wonder, will I see half an oven? Half an apple?
Half my mother's face with my one remaining eye?
I did not see the bullet
But felt its pain exploding in my head.
his image did not disintegrate.
The soldier with his big gun and steady hands.
And the look in his eyes I could not understand.
I can see him so clearly with my eyes closed,
It could be that inside our heads.

We each have one spare set of eyes
To make up for the ones we lose.
Next month, on my birthday,
I'll have a brand new glass eye
Maybe things will look round and fat at the middle.
I gaze through all my marbles,
They make the world look strange.

I hear a nine-month-old has also lost an eye,
I wonder if my soldier shot her too,
A soldier looking for little girls who look him in the eye.
I'm old enough, almost four,
I've seen enough of life
But she's just a baby
Who didn't know any better.



Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Dreams


Dreams

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken-winged bird
That cannot fly.


Hold fast to dreams
For when dreams go
Life is a barren field
Frozen with snow.

by Langston Hughes

Friday, July 14, 2006

Kekuatan

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Semuanya memerlukan kekuatan. Ayat pertama yang terlintas di fikiran saya apabila terkenang kembali SMS yang saya hantar kepada seorang rakan semalam, dan membaca e mail Kak Mas mengenai mesyuarat Nisa' esok.

Dari mana kita mahu dapatkan kekuatan untuk buat apa pun? Pastinya dr Allah Taala.

Pernah seorang sahabat saya bertanya ketika saya masih belajar di MMU dahulu..setiap Subuh pergi ke surau ker? Atau solat dalam bilik?

Saya jawab, kadang-kadang pergi surau, biasanya kat bilik sahaja.

Dia ceritakan pula, bahawa dia pergi ke masjid setiap pagi, walaupun termasuk musim sejuk bersalji.

Saya bertanya, tak sejuk ker berjalan ke masjid setiap pagi di musim salji?

Katanya..."kenalah bermujahadah sedikit, berjuang dengan nafsu..".

Hmm..saya really appreciate apa yang dikatakannya.

Untuk bermujahadah, perlukan kekuatan. Banyak kena latihan amali di samping memohon kepada Allah agar ia diberikan pada kita setiap masa.

Semalam saya teringat pada seorang rakan Cina saya yang saya kenali sejak sekolah rendah lagi. Cuma saya tak pasti samada dia berada di dalam kelas yang sama dengan saya ataupun tidak ketika di sekolah dahulu. Sehabis sekolah rendah, kami tidak pernah berjumpa lagi sehinggalah di MMU ketika menjalani latihan taekwondo di MMU Melaka. Saya tegur dia and asked adakah dia bersekolah di sekolah yang sama dgn saya dahulu walaupun saya tahu dia takkan mengingati saya kerana di sekolah rendah dahulu dia bukan di dalam geng-geng rapat Cina saya. Mmg betul, kami satu sekolah rendah.

Nevermind, yang penting saya kenal dia. And kami sama sama join taekwondo sehingga saya berhenti practice atas kesibukan SRC ketika my second year in MMU. Walaupun dah quit, but we still bertegur sapa everytime kami berjumpa.

Saya tak pernah tahu dia minat untuk mendalami Islam, sehingga ada satu program agama yang kami kendalikan bersama (eventhough he is a Chinese and non-Muslim). We worked together dalam program tersebut. Tujuan program tersebut adalah untuk memperkenalkan serta membetulkan tanggapan salah pada Islam berikutan kes 9/11 yang baru berlaku ketika itu. Saya hanya dapat tahu bahawa dia mempelajari Islam dari salah seorang sahabat saya, dan juga daripada senior kami yang turut sama join taekwondo.

Saya sangat-sangat terkesan dengan rakan Cina saya yang seorang ini kerana dia pernah membuat saya berasa malu dengan diri saya kerana mengabaikan tanggungjawab saya dalam memperkenalkan Islam kepada insan-insan yang saya kenal.

I still remember that on one afternoon, ketika saya sedang tekun study untuk final exam di bilik SRC, he came to me directly and sat in front of me while asking,

"Iena, kenapa kau tak pernah explain abt Islam pada aku?" (kitorang mmg selamba jek kalau bercakap, guna aku kau jek sbb dah satu geng taekwondo). You never send any YM pasal Islam to me, ayat-ayat Quran ker..nasihat ker. Why?". (YM ni adalah singkatan message Yahoo Messenger yang mmg menjadi medium interaksi utama di MMU dahulu).

Terkedu rasanya ketika itu. Ketika otak sedang cuba memahami subject dan menghafal nota, tiba-tiba diserang dengan soalan dasyat sebegitu dari seorang yang sangat2 saya tak sangka. Sangat malu rasanya ditanya sedemikian, betapalah saya terasa saya ini tak menunaikan tanggungjawab saya untuk menerangkan Islam kepada orang-orang yg saya kenal walaupun berpeluang.

I asked him back, "Do you want me to send those messages to you? You mmg nak ker?". He replied, "Yes!".

And then he asked, "Do you know what are the differences between pendakwah Islam and Kristian?". And from that we started discussing on the different approaches of these 2 groups before we ended our conversation and i continued with my revision.

Since that, apa sahaja tazkeerah ataupun forward message mengenai Islam, saya akan hantar pada dia.

Semalam, saya SMS dia, bertanya masih lagikah dia berminat dgn Islam. Ini sudah kali ke-3 saya bertanya pada dia. Kali kedua saya secara direct bertanya pada bulan Ramadhan lepas, "Tak interested nak peluk Islam?". Jawabnya, "That's between me and God", and then he advised me to keep contact with one of my Chinese female friends, yg dahulu mmg also show deep interest on Islam. Ketika di MMU dahulu, this my female Chinese friend pernah berpuasa di bulan Ramadhan.

I said to him, i will. And i did. Once, i asked my female Chinese friend whether she still fasting like what she did in MMU dulu. She replied that she has gastric that hindered her from fasting. Since then, i never ask her again. Now i feel guilty for not contacting her for quite some time.

Yesterday, I politely asked my Chinese friend ni whether he still interested in Islam or not. He replied, he will asked me if he need help and thanked me for asking. He even asked me to perform my Maghrib prayer awal coz it was nearly 7.30 p.m during our conversation through SMS.

Before i ended our conversation, i said to him..."I'll pray semoga Allah beri hidayah Islam dan juga kekuatan for you".

I know some of these people who have deep interest and know already about the beauty of Islam, masih teragak-agak ataupun belum punya kekuatan untuk revert to Islam. Isu mengenai family dan sebagainya biasanya menjadi penghalang. Saya berharap sgt2, one day he will become a Muslim, mengikuti langkah salah seorang senior taekwondo kami who is also his close friend.

And i smiled while was looking to my phone screen, reading his message reply.

Appeared on my screen was...

'Amin'.

Ya Allah, bukakanlah jalan dan berikanlah kekuatan kepadanya untuk mengagungkan agamaMu. Hanya Kau yang sahaja yang mampu memberikan hidayah dan petunjuk kepada sesiapa yang Kau mahukan. Ameen.

Wassalam.

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Lovely pics and colours


Saya ingin bersuara ttg sesuatu, tapi tak tahu nak diterjemahkan dalam bentuk kata-kata.

Saya ingin menulis menceritakan rasa hati, tapi tak mampu nak diterjemahkan dengan tulisan.

These lovely pictures and colors reflect what i want in life..

Serenity.









:)

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Not in good condition lately..i feel weak.

Someone had advised me to eat garam(?? :P), and others had advised me to take red meat, jantung or hati ayam, kerang and bayam.

I took vitamins now...my check up with doc this afternoon had confirmed my low blood pressure has stabilised, alhamdulillah.

Jumpa Abg Fariz Hamdi dlm meeting and Kak Sarahani after meeting kat Wisma ..hehe..best betul jumpa derang dua ni. Sorang was my senior in taekwando, sorang lagi adik beradik DCBA. Sempat ler sembang2 kejap.

Pastu jumpa Has with her husband and kid, sembang2 lagi sebelum bertemu Khomar. Really feel like want to cekik Khomar for not telling us that he got married last month. Khomar was my class monitor during pre-U dulu, and i was his assistant. So kalau nak photostate lecture notes for our class dulu, bersama2lah kami menapak ke Bukit Beruang sbb time tu kat MMU takde kedai photostate. Rasa mcm tak puas hati jek mamat nih tak bagitau nk kahwen hehe. But happy also for him, moga dia berbahagia dunia akhirat. I said to him that he doesn't have to worry if in any case he suddenly get heart attack, his wife can take care of him hoho! His wife is working in IJN, but i'm not sure as what :)

Oklah yer..i'm a lil bit tired nowadays..doakan kesihatan saya yer.

Assalamualaikum.

Monday, July 03, 2006

Kembara

Assalamualaikum and greetings,

(1)

Baru balik dr Sabah n Sarawak, spent 1 week di sana.

Urusan kerja, seperti biasa. Yg best mungkin kali ini kami merempuh ombak tinggi dan makan di dalam boat yang teroleng sana sini kerana ribut di tengah laut, tujuan utk snorkeling di Pulau Manukan tidak kesampaian, hanya sempat di Pulau Sapi yang rasanya tidak pun mencecah 30 minit kerana tiba2 ribut dtg melanda. Takpelah, pengalaman..belum pernah lagi merasa ditimpa hujan dan ombak tinggi di lautan..kali ni sudah merasa. Luckily kami sudah menelan pil mabuk laut sebelum bertolak untuk snorkeling, kalau tidak mmg horror jugak rasanya dengan bot yang bergoyang sana sini.

Yang lain, mungkin kenyang makan seafood..sampai dah tak larat nk makan udang..alhamdulillah murah rezeki di sana kerana berkesempatan dinner dgn PDRM Sabah dan Sarawak.

Saya baru dpt result exam hari ni..i think this is the worst result i ever had sepanjang saya buat Master ni..alhamdulillah lepaslah 3 pointer tu..tapi still tak puas hati sbb ada satu subject ni mmg target paling kureng pun A-...ended up dpt lower than that..mmg strict betul ler lecturer yg ajar kami Mgmt Control sem lepas...my carry mark is among the highest in the class..mmg tak expect dpt result mcm tu. Apa ler dosa yg saya dh buat sem lepas ni..astaghfirullah. Tapi mmg dah tau awal2 lecturer sorang ni mmg strict..waktu buat final paper tu mmg confident giler at least boleh score A- kalau pun tak dpt A...takde rezeki..rasa down sket skang ni...next sem nak kena men'chaiyyo'kan diri..nak tak nak kena score at least A- for both subjects so that my CGPA tak jatuh..nk pk pasal thesis lagi...haiyaaaa.

Thesis...tajuk pun tak pk lagi..memula ingat nk buat under this lecturer..tapi rasanya terpaksa kensel sbb rasanya expectation dia tinggi. I'm thinking doing something in Economics..tapi my specialization is in Strategic Mgmt...camner nk kaitkan Econs dgn Strategic Mgmt ni..hmm..think Zurina..think!

Oklah ek..tgh rasa tak best skang ni..buat anyway a lil bit happy for my two fav teams are in the World Cup Semi Finals..France and Germany...i didn't know what happened to Brazil..but i don't favour them much actually. I hope these 2 teams will be in the final round nanti...and I hope France will win, eventho Germany also has equal chance to win..both are strong.

Went to Husna's wedding last week, happy to see her smile..all my geng turun padang except for Paie and Azie..sorang ada urusan so dtg waktu nikah jek..Azie plak kat UK skang ni. Happy sbb dpt jumpa Siha, Ayu and Jie. Aida jumpa di masjid, Aini jumpa time kami dah nak balik. Best sbb dpt jumpa sumer housemates ketika kami di Taman Dahlia, Melaka dahulu :)

Ainul ada prob dgn hempedu dia skang ni..syafallaha...mungkin next 3 or 4 weeks dia kena operate balik. Iznan, dun worry too much, insya Allah Allah pelihara your wife and baby :)

Ingin berundur diri dahulu..jumpa lagi insya Allah.


(2)

Kembara

Kiranya ketentuan itu sudah tiba,
Maka perlukah berpaling dan bertanya
Apakah yang tidak kena?

Renung dalam-dalam
Seisi hati
Bertanya lagi
Apakah sudah cukup kenal diri
Sebelum melangkah setapak lagi

Berpaling
Berpusing
Dek aturan masa
Ada tika
Cahaya kelam
Panduan hilang

Harus
Kata diri
Mencari jalan pulang

Pencarian sinar itu
Pernah terhenti
Perlu disambung kembali
Perlu dijejaki lagi

Moga ada cahaya
Moga ada makna
Untuk si pengembara
Menghabiskan rentasannya
Dalam kembara
menemui
Khaliknya.


Iena.