Thursday, December 29, 2005

Hati ini menangis lagi

Hati ini menangis lagi

Ya Allah
Hati ini bagai merayu

Ya Rabbi
Kau Yang Maha Mengetahui
Yang nampak jelas
dek mata
mahupun di nurani

Ya Allah
Kabulkanlah doa ini
Dari seorang hamba
yang masih punya
banyak salahnya
yang masih punya
banyak kurangnya

Hanya satu
Doanya hanya satu
Agar dipelihara diri
dan imannya
kerana dek sering
tersasarnya haluan
di atas kelemahan sendiri

Menangis lagi hati ini
Entah untuk berapa lama
Dan sampai bila

Hati ini menangis lagi.

Kak Yumni....tiada ungkapan yg bisa digambarkan sekarang ini..doakan saya akak semoga menjadi muslimah yang kuat hatinya.


Tuesday, December 27, 2005


Assalamualaikum wbt,


Bulan ini byk peristiwa terkejut2 yang saya terima, yang saya tak sangka akan berlaku pun. Yang pasti, saya gembira dgn berita-berita ini. Tak boleh nak reveal apa berita-berita gembira ini sbb sudah berjanji, tapi yg penting kita kena panjatkan kesyukuran kepada hadrat Allah atas segala kurniaanNya.


Ya Allah, i can't stop smiling rite now. I'm happy actually despite of rasa tense gak ler kena dtg ofis hari ni utk 2 meeting walaupun saya sepatutnya on-leave today, tapi tgk2 org2 yg sepatutnya join the meeting sumernya bercuti hari ni except me and GM. Sabar je ler :)

For Azie kat UK, aku rindu kat ko, jeles plak tgk gambar2 ko and Naz kat sana, ko tunggu aku kalau aku ada rezeki pi sana ek hehe.

My younger sis agree to go to Denmark to continue with her PhD next year, insya Allah. Itu pun lepas i consulted her panjang lebar sbb dia tak nak pegi memula. Rasa mcm nak sekeh jek budak nih, dah dpt offer tak nak pergi pulak. I said to her, go and grab all opportunities that she has in life especially yang sudah tersedia di depan mata, becoz takut takut dia will regret for life nanti. Dulu waktu nak minta dia sambung Master pun jenuh tahap naga, sampai ler ada this particular blind man called her and wanted to hire her to be his eyes to read all his materials to him so that he can study. I said to her, dun she feel grateful for whatever she has now, even org buta pun masih eager utk sambung study, dia yg masih sihat walafiat masih lagi terfikir2 nak buat Master atau tidak. Nasib baik dia pegi enroll kat UM.

Actually memula i was merajuk with her sbb dia tak bagitau pun yg dia dpt offer ke Denmark. I knew abt it from my mum. I was so excited that i called her several times but she refused to talk abt it that i felt a lil bit annoyed. Last week she called me asking for an info for a program, i told her straight away that i was merajuk with her and was reluctant to call her anymore unless she make the attempt to call me at the first place. I know why she relunctant to go to Denmark, but her reason was too weak for me to accept. Being a big sister to her and she used to talk to me whenever she had problem or dilemma, we discussed abt it and she agreed to go. Alhamdulillah :)

My younger bro dpt offer to continue his Master in UKM, but i think he will not go for it. Now he is setting his target to be an airforce pilot. I had told him before, if he want badly to be a pilot, go for commercial so that i can get a free ticket to oversea every year. He was laughing but he agreed though hehe. MAS now got problem, i dun think they will hire new pilots, but still i asked him to apply MAS and Air Asia. I dun want him to be an Airforce pilot, sbb pesawat pejuang kat Malaysia ni rasanya mcm tak selamat jek, asyik terhempas sana sini. I said to him, dun commit suicide by joining Airforce. Tapi dia dgn selambanya bercakap.."Angah...kalau Allah dah tetapkan ajal tu, kat memana pun kita akan mati Ngah..tak jadi pilot Airforce pun kita akan mati jugak"...dusss...kan dah kena syarah dah hehe. long as you are happy with your own choice :)

Oklah, nak gi makan skang ni ngan Hany, later k.

Apa pun, i'm very happy today.

Ahlan wa sahlan to Humaira :)

Congrats to Puan XX, you know yourself better kan Puan? Hehe...congrats again. Sampaikan salam dan tahniah saya pada En. YY yer? ;)

Syukran for everything Ya Allah, syukran :)


Friday, December 23, 2005


Assalamualaikum wbt,

(1) Pening

Hmm...entahlah...this morning my GM called me into his office.

I sat there and waited for whatever he wanted to say, he called me in a rush actually, so i dun expect it will be a common discussion that we used to have sebenarnya.

He asked me whether i'm willing to take over Kak Fida's place to be a Business Controller, and Kak Fida will be placed at Kak Maznah yg sudah VSS last year.

I know i supposedly be happy to hear this proposal, but i dun know why i'm not that happy.

I feel scared becoz of the responsibility. I know how big it is, becoz i had replaced Pn Fida to be the Business Controller twice due to her maternity leave for 2 consecutive years. It's not an easy post actually, i'd been cramping my head heavily everytime i replaced Kak Fida dulu. Luckily this year when i was replacing Kak Fida, it was during my semester break. If not i'll die i think.

Business Controllers at other places, they are required to manage either Financial or HR matters only, or both. But in FMD, Business Controller has to manage Business Strategy,Financial, HR, Call Centre and Admin. And to shoulder all these responsibilities alone, i'll become a dead meat actually.

Tn. Hj had told Kak Fida that he'll arrange a new executive to help me out for those tasks. Rite now i'm doing the Business Strategy alone, and to tell you, doing the business strategy and reporting solely is not as easy as what you think. And now i have to cater other things too.

I love the job, especially when dealing Financial thingy. But i'm scared. I'm scared if i can't deliver whatever i should to, i'm scared if i can't do well, i'm scared becoz my MBA is not yet completed by next year. I'm scared becoz the responsibility is too huge, i'm afraid i couldn't do it.

I asked my GM when he asked about my opinion.. "Do you trust me to do this?"

"I put trust on you, but i won't say that the tasks are easy". Of course ler, i've been in that position twice, i know how hard they are.

Talked to Hany during our lunch about this thing, and Hany commented that this is a good offer.
Supposedly it is, but i don't know why i'm not happy at all. I just don't know why.

Is it becoz of my GM, becoz i need to liaise with him directly? Part of it yes I think, but the biggest issue here is that the RESPONSIBILITY that I need to hold. I dunno whether i can make it or not.

Ya Allah, again you had fulfill my du'a from last 3 years. But now i dun feel excited about it. Am i being a non-grateful person to You for not being happy for this?

Ya Allah, forgive me. I dun have any intention to become someone that don't know how to be grateful for whatever You have granted to me.

It's just that i'm not happy and excited, and i dunno why sedangkan inilah khabar yg diidam-idamkan dr dulu.

Have to table out my future plan as Business Controller to GM on next Tuesday, i am supposed to be on leave for 1 whole week next week, and i have to come and have meeting with GM. Urrgghh...

Aiyaarrkk...tak tau ler pesal miserablenya rasa skang ni.

(2) Mother

Lagu ni best. Serius. Saya and Hany ternangis dgr lagu ni. Habis jer dgr lagi ni saya terus call ibu tanya apa dia nak, saya akan sediakan tak kira berapa pun harga dia. Terasa saya sanggup berkorban apa sahaja utk ibu saya. And saya juga tetiba terasa saya nak jadi a mother time2 ni gak sbb terasa betapa tingginya martabat seorang ibu. Kena kahwin cepat ni nampak gayanya ekekek.

Saper tak nangis dgr lagu ni, tak tau ler. Aida Aini, nak dgr lagu ni sila prepare tisu byk2 k. Aku yg lom jadi ibu lagi ni pun dah menangis dgr lagu ni, korang aku tak tau ler hehe, lagi nangis kot becoz you both are mothers :) Hany dah nangis dah hehe :)

I dedicate this beautiful song to all mothers in the world, especially to all my friends saya yang sudah bergelar ibu.

Congrats to Yati Bims yang selamat lahirkan baby bernama Mohd Umar Khattab on last Tuesday. Congrats juga pada Kak Aza ;)

And for Ika, sabar k. Allah Maha Mengetahui segalanya :)

Lirik Mother.


Blessed is your face
Blessed is your name
My beloved
Blessed is your smile
Which makes my soul want to fly
My belovedAll the nights
And all the times
That you cared for me
But I never realised it
And now it’s too late
Forgive me

Now I’m alone filled with so much shame
For all the years I caused you pain
If only I could sleep in your arms again
Mother I’m lost without you

You were the sun that brightened my day
Now who’s going to wipe my tears away
If only I knew what I know today
Mother I’m lost without you

Ummahu, ummahu, ya ummi
wa shawqahu ila luqyaki ya ummi
Ummuka, ummuka, ummuka ummuka
Qawlu rasulika
Fi qalbi, fi hulumi
Anti ma’i ya ummi
Mother... Mother... O my mother
How I long to see O mother
“Your mother, Your mother, Your mother”
Is the saying of your Prophet
In my heart, in my dreams
You are always with me mother

Ruhti wa taraktini
Ya nura ‘aynayya
Ya unsa layli
Ruhti wa taraktini
Man siwaki yahdhununi
Man siwaki yasturuni
Man siwaki yahrusuni‘
Afwaki ummi
You went and left me
O light of my eyes
O comfort of my nights
You went and left me
Who, other than you, will embrace me?
Who, other than you, will cover me?
Who, other than you, will guard over me?
Your pardon mother, forgive me

English lyrics: Sami Yusuf & Bara Kherigi
Arabic lyrics: Shaykh Zakariya Siddiqi
composition: Sami Yusuf© 2005 Awakening


Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Make A Prayer

Assalamualaikum wbt,

For the third day in a row, my GM is not in the office due to illness.

And for me, it is like heaven to me in this office without him, jahatnyalaaa kuar statement nih hehe. Tapi takpe, Hany memahami,kan Hany kan? Hehe.

Kak Yumni, syukran for your lovely pictures, hope you will be in state of peace and tranquality always with your family, iena pray for you :)

Hari ni tukar lagu lain pulak, from My Ummah to Make A Prayer.

Ya Allah, saya rasa hati saya seperti dicarik2 apabila mendengar lagu ini. Terasa sungguh malu tidak tahu di mana mahu wajah ini dihadapkan sebenarnya. Kita mmg terlalu selesa di sini, sehingga kadang-kadang kita lupa saudara2 kita yang lebih perlukan pertolongan dr saudara2 mereka sesama Muslim.

Make A Prayer

O people
In a hut made of tin and clay
A small boy dreams away
Of clean water and a meal a day
And not to fear mines as he plays each day

O people
Somewhere dark and out of the way
Aids has found yet another prey
To save his life he just couldn’t pay
Tell me what we’re going to do

For our brothers in Durban
For our sisters in Darfur
Show me what we’re going to do
Are we just going to sit there?
Nice and cosy on our armchairs
Will we not even make a prayer?

You might ask yourself
Why should I help these people?
They’ll tell you why
We’re not so different from you
We have dreams just like you
But they were buried with the
bodies of our loved ones

O people
Are we deaf, dumb, and blind?
What is going through our minds?
Don’t we care for the rest of mankind?

O people
We claim to love peace and justice
Why do we preach what we don’t practice?
Let’s help them out of this darkness

Tell me what we’re going to do
For our brothers in Ethiopia
For our sisters in Rwanda
Show me what we’re going to do
Are we just going to sit there?
Nice and cosy on our armchairs
Will we not even make a prayer?


Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Aku dan engkau adalah muslimah

Aku dan engkau adalah muslimah

ya adeq
itulah ujian
Kun Fayakun
baik buruk ketentuan Tuhan
segala-galanya kepunyaan ALLAH

Ya adeq
namun kamu tetap seorang muslimah
berbanggalah dengan jati dirimu
aku seorang muslimah
adab dan akhlaqku muslimah
berjuanglah mati-matian
bersedialah untuk syahid
menegakkan akhlaq muslimah

ya adeq
jangan berbangga dengan kecantikanmu
jangan berbangga dengan keintelektualanmu
jangan berbangga dengan memiliki cinta insan lain
tapi berbanggalah kamu dengan akhlaq islamiyyahmu

ya adeq
jika itu manifestasi sabarmu
menangislah jika itu melegakan hatimu
jika tidak ada perit
tidak ada lah sabar
jika tidak ada ujian
tidak ada lah redho

ya adeq
dosa-dosa mu terlerai
bersama setiap titis tangismu
itulah matlamat ujian
bila sudah hilang segala dosa
maka dari situ bersihnya hatimu
dari situ makbulnya do'amu

ya adeq
hatimu takkan tergelincir
selagi dipagari dengan zikrullah
kamu mencari redho ALLAH
bukan mencari redho insan
sayangku padamu kerana ALLAH
sayang yang meningkatkan taqwa
sayang yang saling menutup 'aib
itulah ukhuwwah islamiyyah!

Nukilan : Kak Yumni

Barakallah Kak Yumni, moga Allah membalas jasa baik akak selama ini, puisi ini cukup bermakna buat diri saya :)

~ Peliharalah hati ini Ya Allah, Kau yang memiliki hati-hati kami~


Monday, December 19, 2005


Assalamualaikum wbt,

Hehe, last nite Ika and I went to Samira's wedding at Hotel Mutiara, Crowne Plaza.

This our adorable sister, really made us choked to our highest lungs last nite.

We went there at 8 p.m, with several people approaching us, ready to place us at a reserved table. We checked our name in the guest name list, but we can't found either Ika's or my name in it.

Quite malu jugak ler, awat ler our name were not there sedangkan we had confirmed our attendance from last 2 weeks.

There was another name list pasted on a board, so we went and checked. And there, our names written as Kak Ika and Kak Iena were placed at VVIP guest list.

Ok, fine, we were flattered already, considering we are very close to Samira in MMU dulu.

An usherer showed us our table, and my God, at that time we were really got surprised and felt like want to strangle Samira on that verily moment.

At our table, there were 4 Belgiums waiting for us, and were like...."Oooo... Samira, bertuah betul budak ni, ingatkan dia nak placekan kita kat tempat bebudak MMU, rupanya kat tempat org2 putih ni!". Bebetul ingat kami akan dapat placement dgn Amla sbb kami sama2 MMU.

So we sat and introduced ourselves to them, and rupa-rupanya all of them are Nasir Hadrien's (Samira's husband) best friends. Samira's husband is a Belgium, and all his friends mmg speaking French. I thought Nasir is an American, rupanya tak. And then another 2 Belgium friends of Nasir came and sat with us, and Kak Sabrina with her friend Irwin.

So we met Nicholas, Joe Phillipe, Medmed (he is an Algerian and i dunno how to spell his name), Melina from Germany, Hoho ( i dunno how to spell her name also but she's very pretty) and Eric. We were very fortunate as I sat next to Hoho and Ika sat next to Melina, so we felt quite comfortable a lil bit. Hoho is working with UNICEF, and she was so excited to watch Malay dance performance from Kumpulan Warisan Johor, all the dancers are kids, so she was very interested in it, asking me lots of questions about Malaysian culture and customs. And she claimed that baju songket worn by Nasir and Samira were very astonishing. Hehe.

Overall, it was a very lovely nite. Our table was really opposite to meja beradab pengantin, so we managed to have eye contacts with Samira while she was eating with her husband. Dia kenyit mata kat kami hehe, bertuah betul budak ni.

Ika ternangis semalam, sbb mcm tak sangka adik kami yang gila2 ni dah kahwin dah. Samira used to 'kacau' kami dulu almost every nite rite after she got back from her study at MMU library. She used to kacau Ika tidur by lying herself on top of Ika's body during her sleep, tak bagi Ika tidur. Suka mengacau budak nih hehe. She once pernah cakap, kalau ler abg dia belum kahwin lagi, mesti dia akan introduce kami kat abg dia so that he can choose one of us to be his wife. Giler betul budak nih hehe.

Samira is a cute person, and she has a special place in Ika's and my hearts sama seperti we treat special to Mudin, Laili, Sok, bebudak umah Laili and Sok dulu (Farah, Ina, Deq Nor), bebudak IU batch Mudin (Sha, Amla, Zarp, Mudin, Ise, Sue and the rest, byk sgt, tak larat nak type) and for myself, ada lagi sorang yang saya sayang, Mijie nama dia, budak lelaki committee Ika yang selalu tolong SRC dulu, tak tau mana nak cari dia skang ni.

Paling best semalam, Nasir's father buat ucapan dalam Bahasa Melayu for the pengantin. Riuh satu dewan tepuk tangan bila he delivered his speech dgn penuh puitis.

I'm very happy for Samira. This our gila2, cute and adorable sister, has her own way and destiny now. I wish her all the best dalam menjalani kehidupan sebagai seorang insan dan isteri bersama suami di dalam suasana kehidupan Islam. I trust her, i know she can lead Nasir to become a good Muslim. I have full confidence on her, this my lovely sister.


Rindu pulak saat2 bergurau senda dgn Mira kat MMU dulu, kalau dia ada, mmg kecoh bilik kami tu :)

Oo ya, semalam saya dapat berita gembira from my mum, my younger sister Eqa told her that her Prof for Master had submitted her name to UM for PhD program in Denmark. I felt happy for her actually eventho Eqa and i had made a promise that we will further our studies for PhD in UK together. Tak kisahlah kat memana pun nak belajar, kalau ada rezeki pergi jerlahkan, even me myself pun tak tahu biler lagi nak sambung PhD, Master saya skang ni pun habis lambat lagi, tu pun belum consider kot kot saya kahwin ker, or saya meninggal dulu ker, so might as well Eqa pergi sambung PhDnya dulu :)

Berundur dahulu, saya ada 2 report yang perlu diselesaikan dan satu slide presentation for USM to be submitted before this Wednesday.

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Sunday, December 18, 2005

Kak Iqin

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Last Friday saya bercuti, berpergian ke rumah makcik saya di Desa Petaling. Hence saya tidak dpt mencatatkan apa-apa di blog ini.

Last Friday on 16 Dec 2005, genap setahun pemergian Kak Iqin.

I don't know how to describe my feeling rite now actually...

Apa pun, saya berdoa arwah berbahagia di dunia sana..begitu juga dengan ahli keluarga dan sahabat handai arwah yang tinggal.

Kak Iqin,

At certain times terasa rindu nak cakap dgn akak, especially time iena tgh ada problem. Menangis juga kadang-kadang biler teringatkan akak.

Anyway i believe akak berbahagia di sana. Iena doakan for you always. I will be always become your cute and naughty sister (walaupun tak senakal Hany and Ika sbb iena baik sket dr derang hehe)

I want to pen off now, can't stop myself from crying rite now.

Salam to all of you.


Thursday, December 15, 2005

My Ummah

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Saya tukar playlist blog ni sbb i need a change :)

Herewith, i present my too-handsome-and-famous boyfriend (dlm mimpi jek ek ehek ehek), Mr Sami Yusuf with his song "My Ummah".

Syukran Musafir for alerting me about this new song.


Moga dpt iktibar bila mendengar lagu ni k. Here is the lyric of the song.

My Ummah

My ummah, my ummah
He will say
Rasulullah on that day
Even though we've strayed from him and his way

My brothers, my sisters, in Islam
Let’s struggle, work, and pray
If we are to
Bring back the glory of his way

Ya Allah ya rabbal ‘alamin
Ya rahmanu ya rahim
Ya rabbi
O Allah Lord of the Worlds
O Merciful and Beneficent
O my Lord

Let the Ummah rise again
Let us see daylight again
Once again

Let’s become whole again
Proud again
’Cause I swear with firm belief in our hearts
We can bring back the glory of our past

My ummah, my ummah
He will say
Rasulullah on that day
Even though we strayed from him and his way

Look at where we were
And look at where we are
And tell me
Is this how he’d want it to be?
Oh no! Let us bring back our glory


Wednesday, December 14, 2005


Assalamualaikum wbt,


Memula ingat nak tukar playlist blog ni ke lagu terbaru Sami Yusuf "My Ummah", tapi kalau compare dgn bacaan Quran sedia ada, terasa lebih menenangkan hati, better stick to the existing one :)


Tak tahu apa yang nak diceritakan sekarang ini sebenarnya.

Cuma satu yang ingin dibawa untuk tujuan peringatan saya sendiri sebenarnya.

Apabila diri dikuasai nafsu, amat mudah kita terjerumus di dalam dosa, tak kiralah sama ada ia kecil atau pun tidak.

Sukar untuk pelihara hawa nafsu ini, kecuali dengan bermujahadah dengan sekuat-kuat hati.

Kuatkah hati kita sekarang untuk bermujahadah?

Bagi mereka yang sudah sedia kuat, alhamdulillah..perkasakan lagi sifat mujahadah antum. Mana yang masih belum termasuk diri saya yang mmg cepat terpesong fokus ni, mari kita sama-sama usaha ke arah tujuan itu.

Biarlah kita bermujahadah untuk menjadi insan cemerlang dunia akhirat, untuk menjadi hamba kesayangan Allah dan moga menjadi sebutan makhluk di langit dan di muka bumi ini.

Saya pun tak tahu saya sendiri boleh sampai ke tahap itu atau pun tidak.

Tapi apa pun, kita kena usaha juga,kan sedaya mungkin?


Mengundur diri dahulu, moga berjumpa di lembaran yang lain.

"ALLAHUMMA".... :)

Monday, December 12, 2005

Find my own way back

Assalamualaikum wbt,

Terasa sudah betapa jahatnya saya sekarang ini.


Apa telah jadi dengan diri saya sekarang ini? What had happened to me within these 2 3 months?

I've been busy with works and studies. But is that all i care about in life?

Ya Allah, what had happened to me actually?

I feel like want to cry now actually. Feel sad. What type of person i had become recently?

Zurina, go back and find your true self.

This is not some kind of life or type of person you want actually.

Find your true self back, before it's too late.

Ya Allah, forgive me for all sins that i have committed before. Praise to You my Lord for giving me chance to reflect back who am i, and guide me to know what type of person i should become.

Betapa manusia itu lemah dan mudah hanyut dalam kehidupan. Saya hampir terlupa masih ada satu lagi kehidupan selepas mati.

Friends, if ever you see me do something that i shouldn't do, tegurlah saya. Agak2 saya sudah sedikit hanyut, tegurlah saya. Teguran antum amat bernilai sebenarnya.


Thursday, December 08, 2005


Assalamualaikum wbt,

Hari ini saya penat sgt, baru balik dr berkampung di Multimedia College selama 3 hari lepas kerana menganjurkan Seminar Pegawai Penyiasat.

Penatnya masya Allah, tetapi diminta pula mengiringi GM ke lunch treat by HP di Restoran Seri Melayu. Dah ler pakai baju tak cun hari ni, wajib pula kena ikut. Takpelah, murah rezeki hari ni :)

Last Monday sempat menziarah Kak Sarahani, Ismail and Raudhah di rumah mereka. Best betul dpt berjumpa ngan Kak Sarah sbb dah lama tak sembang ngan dia. Memasak di rumah Hany bersama Ika lepas ofis, pastu terus ke rumah Kak Sarah. Jumpa juga Nufayl, entah mengapa di pandangan mata saya, Nufayl sedikit kurus.

Apa yang ingin diceritakan hari ni yer?


Nothing kot, except one.

I am happy.

Why am I?


I can't explain, the only thing that i know is Allah has bestowed me His mercy, eventho the outcome of whatever happening to me rite now would not according to whatever dream that i ever had dulu. I bet Abg Faizal is smiling and gelak dlm hati baca my posting kali ni hehe.

Gelak ler Abg, you deserve it after had listened to my karenah since i was in First year in MMU dulu hehe. Barakallah for being such a wonderful brother with Kak iqin dulu. Kelakar jek rasanya, mcm nak runtuh dunia jer pulak rasanya time tu hehe, padahal kalau pk skang ni, it was not bad juga sebenarnya.

A bitter experience, but a good one.

Becoz it had developed me to be someone like what i am today, to be quite strong as compared to before.

Let the past gone with the wind, and i shall taste this life with more serenity and in peace.

Ya Allah, syukur atas segalanya. Apa pun yang terjadi, pasti itu adalah yang terbaik untuk setiap hambaMu.



Monday, December 05, 2005

Gone mad

Assalamualaikum wbt,

I think i have gone mad for last 2 days.

Dunno what had happened, but something that i never expect to happen had happened on last Saturday and yesterday.

I think at this moment, i feel like want to find any quiet place and re-think whatever had happened.

Before it go too far and uncontrollable, i shall do something.

I bet all won't understand what i'm talking about :)

Hany,i just want to smile at you. You know what does my smile mean, insya Allah (as a replacement to a pat at your back and a hug from a friend :).