Friday, December 23, 2005


Assalamualaikum wbt,

(1) Pening

Hmm...entahlah...this morning my GM called me into his office.

I sat there and waited for whatever he wanted to say, he called me in a rush actually, so i dun expect it will be a common discussion that we used to have sebenarnya.

He asked me whether i'm willing to take over Kak Fida's place to be a Business Controller, and Kak Fida will be placed at Kak Maznah yg sudah VSS last year.

I know i supposedly be happy to hear this proposal, but i dun know why i'm not that happy.

I feel scared becoz of the responsibility. I know how big it is, becoz i had replaced Pn Fida to be the Business Controller twice due to her maternity leave for 2 consecutive years. It's not an easy post actually, i'd been cramping my head heavily everytime i replaced Kak Fida dulu. Luckily this year when i was replacing Kak Fida, it was during my semester break. If not i'll die i think.

Business Controllers at other places, they are required to manage either Financial or HR matters only, or both. But in FMD, Business Controller has to manage Business Strategy,Financial, HR, Call Centre and Admin. And to shoulder all these responsibilities alone, i'll become a dead meat actually.

Tn. Hj had told Kak Fida that he'll arrange a new executive to help me out for those tasks. Rite now i'm doing the Business Strategy alone, and to tell you, doing the business strategy and reporting solely is not as easy as what you think. And now i have to cater other things too.

I love the job, especially when dealing Financial thingy. But i'm scared. I'm scared if i can't deliver whatever i should to, i'm scared if i can't do well, i'm scared becoz my MBA is not yet completed by next year. I'm scared becoz the responsibility is too huge, i'm afraid i couldn't do it.

I asked my GM when he asked about my opinion.. "Do you trust me to do this?"

"I put trust on you, but i won't say that the tasks are easy". Of course ler, i've been in that position twice, i know how hard they are.

Talked to Hany during our lunch about this thing, and Hany commented that this is a good offer.
Supposedly it is, but i don't know why i'm not happy at all. I just don't know why.

Is it becoz of my GM, becoz i need to liaise with him directly? Part of it yes I think, but the biggest issue here is that the RESPONSIBILITY that I need to hold. I dunno whether i can make it or not.

Ya Allah, again you had fulfill my du'a from last 3 years. But now i dun feel excited about it. Am i being a non-grateful person to You for not being happy for this?

Ya Allah, forgive me. I dun have any intention to become someone that don't know how to be grateful for whatever You have granted to me.

It's just that i'm not happy and excited, and i dunno why sedangkan inilah khabar yg diidam-idamkan dr dulu.

Have to table out my future plan as Business Controller to GM on next Tuesday, i am supposed to be on leave for 1 whole week next week, and i have to come and have meeting with GM. Urrgghh...

Aiyaarrkk...tak tau ler pesal miserablenya rasa skang ni.

(2) Mother

Lagu ni best. Serius. Saya and Hany ternangis dgr lagu ni. Habis jer dgr lagi ni saya terus call ibu tanya apa dia nak, saya akan sediakan tak kira berapa pun harga dia. Terasa saya sanggup berkorban apa sahaja utk ibu saya. And saya juga tetiba terasa saya nak jadi a mother time2 ni gak sbb terasa betapa tingginya martabat seorang ibu. Kena kahwin cepat ni nampak gayanya ekekek.

Saper tak nangis dgr lagu ni, tak tau ler. Aida Aini, nak dgr lagu ni sila prepare tisu byk2 k. Aku yg lom jadi ibu lagi ni pun dah menangis dgr lagu ni, korang aku tak tau ler hehe, lagi nangis kot becoz you both are mothers :) Hany dah nangis dah hehe :)

I dedicate this beautiful song to all mothers in the world, especially to all my friends saya yang sudah bergelar ibu.

Congrats to Yati Bims yang selamat lahirkan baby bernama Mohd Umar Khattab on last Tuesday. Congrats juga pada Kak Aza ;)

And for Ika, sabar k. Allah Maha Mengetahui segalanya :)

Lirik Mother.


Blessed is your face
Blessed is your name
My beloved
Blessed is your smile
Which makes my soul want to fly
My belovedAll the nights
And all the times
That you cared for me
But I never realised it
And now it’s too late
Forgive me

Now I’m alone filled with so much shame
For all the years I caused you pain
If only I could sleep in your arms again
Mother I’m lost without you

You were the sun that brightened my day
Now who’s going to wipe my tears away
If only I knew what I know today
Mother I’m lost without you

Ummahu, ummahu, ya ummi
wa shawqahu ila luqyaki ya ummi
Ummuka, ummuka, ummuka ummuka
Qawlu rasulika
Fi qalbi, fi hulumi
Anti ma’i ya ummi
Mother... Mother... O my mother
How I long to see O mother
“Your mother, Your mother, Your mother”
Is the saying of your Prophet
In my heart, in my dreams
You are always with me mother

Ruhti wa taraktini
Ya nura ‘aynayya
Ya unsa layli
Ruhti wa taraktini
Man siwaki yahdhununi
Man siwaki yasturuni
Man siwaki yahrusuni‘
Afwaki ummi
You went and left me
O light of my eyes
O comfort of my nights
You went and left me
Who, other than you, will embrace me?
Who, other than you, will cover me?
Who, other than you, will guard over me?
Your pardon mother, forgive me

English lyrics: Sami Yusuf & Bara Kherigi
Arabic lyrics: Shaykh Zakariya Siddiqi
composition: Sami Yusuf© 2005 Awakening



Hany FF said...

Siti, lagu tu sungguh syahdu. 1 rangkap dah tersentuh hati nih! heheh...

1 more thing, remember the 'thing' I told you last Friday during lunch...regarding the unforgettable dream. It really means something. I've confirmed that. :) And of course, airmata tak dapat ditahan-tahan. Mengenangkan bagaimana Hany boleh bermimpi begitu, dalam keadaan begitu, dan bermakna begitu. May Allah bless us! Ameen.

firasat said...

Trust yourself,
Trust yourself to do the things that only you know best.
Trust yourself,
Trust yourself to do what's right and not be second-guessed.
Don't trust me to show you beauty
When beauty may only turn to rust.
If you need somebody you can trust, trust yourself.

Trust yourself,
Trust yourself to know the way that will prove true in the end.
Trust yourself,
Trust yourself to find the path where there is no if and when.
Don't trust me to show you the truth
When the truth may only be ashes and dust.
If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.

Well, you're on your own, you always were,
In a land of wolves and thieves.
Don't put your hope in ungodly man
Or be a slave to what somebody else believes.

Trust yourself
And you won't be disappointed when vain people let you down.
Trust yourself
And look not for answers where no answers can be found.
Don't trust me to show you love
When my love may be only lust.
If you want somebody you can trust, trust yourself.

-- Bob Dylan

IeNa said...


Subhanallah, Maha Suci Allah Yang Maha Pemurah lagi Maha Pengasih.

I feel so excited and happy for you, really. May Allah bless and grant you the peace that you all need at this point of time. Allah itu Maha Pemurah,kan...dalam Dia mendatangkan ujian pun, masih mengurniakan nikmat yang tidak tersangka kan.

Oo my God, i feel so happy for you Hany, really :)

Subhanallah, subhanallah :)

Dear Firasat,

Syukran for the poem/lyrics whatsoever. Courage and support that i need badly this time. I'm not sure whether i can make it or not, but i'll pray hard to Allah to grant me the necessary assistance and pace through out the way.

Jazakallahu khairan :)


Welcome sayang, moga Allah tautkan hati-hati kita dalam berukhuwah dan beristiqamah di atas jalanNya. Be my good sister, will ya? :)