Dalam susah, terselit bahagia

Assalamualaikum wbt,

I have to tell ya, that for my past 3 nights, i was so sucked up into finishing my projects, presentations and assignments that i didn't think about other things so much, including my own job, hmm..terasa bersalah jugak ler sbb supposedly i couldn't be like that. I have my own responsibilities and amanah to my office works juga. Alhamdulillah my manager understands me well, but i also know that setiap kesabaran pasti ada limitnya, and i promised to myself that i won't let him down by ignoring my own jobs hanya kerana hendak mengejar cita-cita peribadi. That is not fair to him, to my company and any other people yang ada relations with me :)

Yesterday i cried rite after my Management case presentation because some of my group members yang ntah haper2 jer present case kat depan audience and lecturer. Rasa mcm kecewa, nak marah semua bercampur baur dalam diri biler ada presenter yg hanya membaca report kat depan sedangkan all of us know that when you present, you shall be well-prepared of your subject and be able to memorize kalau tak semua pun, major2 points pun cukup ler, and not TOTALLY reading your report kat depan audience, and that was happening yesterday, and for the first time in my life, i'm getting mad at people yang do not live up to my expectations and standards. I couldn't even smile after that presentation because i felt that ours was so bad!

Rite after finishing our presentation, i went out and called Ika and babbling about my disatisfactions about our presentation. I even cried because i was so tension. Perhaps i'm a little bit perfectionist that i couldn't accept such silly mistakes (can we refer it as mistakes? sebenarnya dan yang sesungguhnya the unprepared ATTITUDE yang i can't tolerate!!). Why ler people just cannot put commitment as what they should be and not take for granted for everything? I really feel like to punch, kick or whatsoever to that guy, just to let my angry+ dissatisfactions relieve!! Aaaaaaaarrggghhhhh......!!!!!

Alhamdulillah Ika's advice worked well for me yesterday and today. She mentioned that i should consider about my group members' different backgrounds, some of them dah lama tinggalkan university life and ada yang tak pernah buat presentation pun. In MMU, we was trained to be so well-prepared, even we have to come out with some rehearsals before the presentation, and that was not happening in my Management group. In my Accounting group, alhamdulillah we did because most of us are youngsters. My 2 accounting members are UTP grads, and the other one from PPP. So we know how we should present our case and i'm not dissapointed at all. But for my Management case, Ya Allah, Kau murahkanlah rezekiku dengan mengurniakan markah yang banyak, kalau tak takde chance nak dapat A untuk subject ni (pleading to Allah very much ni..sob sob).

Tapi hari ni, alhamdulillah i'm ok, and even i laugh to myself for having such silly manner of getting angry to my group members. Allah jadikan manusia ini dengan pelbagai rupa dan ragam, supaya kita saling kenal-mengenali dan kasih-mengasihi. Rahmat Allah juga sebenarnya walaupun apa yang kita harapkan tidak menjadi.

Di sebalik keburukan, ada hikmah yang tersembunyi.

Dan di sebalik kesibukan dan kepayahan mengejar ilmu ini, terselit bahagia yang tak tergambar.

Dan di kala ini...

Terasa diri ini menjadi insan yang bertuah, and i'm very happy to realize that Allah memberi segala ini sebagai cubaan, untuk melihat kita ini bersabar atau sebaliknya.

Cubalah bersabar, walaupun susah. Cubalah redha, walaupun payah.

Have to deal with that, Ya Allah, kuatkan imanku. Aku tak sebaik mana, selalu tersungkur bila ada cubaan sebegini. Ampunkan dosa sebab terkutuk org biler time tgh marah semalam. Hmm..terasa jahat, sungguh jahat sebenarnya.

Ok, undur diri dulu k. Ma'as salamah :)

P/s: Happy sebab ada sahabat yang dah berjaya melangkah ke usaha dakwah. Doakan ana juga akan berkesempatan begitu in near future, insya-Allah :)